Have you ever had a conversation that went really, really wrong?

Tempers flared, emotions surged, and in the end both parties left with raw feelings and resentment.

One powerful way to prevent this sort of thing from happening is to understand the difference between emotions and facts…including some facts about emotions, and how they often feel factual — even when they’re not!

First, here are some important facts about high-stress conversations and interactions…

  1. When strong emotions are triggered, our minds become overloaded with unconscious information, reducing the function of our neocortex.  The neocortex is the part of the brain that allows us to make higher-level assessments and evaluations.  We react to emotions based on the mammalian cerebellum, which is a more primitive part of the brain.  This means that we take the emotional information we receive at face value, instead of processing it as we might other, less charged experiences.
  2. When our body is reacting to stress, our ability to hear and comprehend literally decreases to the point where we may not be able to hear what the other person is saying.  In those moments, we rely more on our visceral responses as our primary source of information than what is actually going on around us.

What does this mean?

Unless we learn to control our responses, our minds process emotions as fact, making it very difficult for us to remain calm and to see clearly the real facts surrounding our situation.

How to stay calm?  Here are some tips…

  1. Remember that you are completely in control of your reactions. While your emotions may flare, you can remain conscious and present in the moment, understanding that the emotions you’re experiencing are a physical and neurological response — NOT necessarily the truth.
  2. If you tend to have ongoing conflict with a specific person, keep in mind that both parties should be given a chance to speak and be heard – even if there are differing opinions.
  3. If the situation escalates to a state that is too emotional, you have the right to table the discussion and return to it at a less volatile time.

How have you been able to sort facts from emotions in stressful situations?

For more information on how you can become a powerful business communicator, download a complimentary copy of our groundbreaking new ebook, “The Leader’s Guide to Clear and Effective Communication”

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Roger Terry

Director of Training and Coaching at Evolution Training Ltd
Roger Terry is one of the world’s leading experts on applying NLP to drive excellence both professionally and personally. Roger leads seminars and consults with companies all over the world, including in the UK, USA, Europe and Middle East. He is the author of several books, including The Hidden Art of Interviewing, NLP and Qualitative Research, NLP for Teachers and The NLP Toolkit.