In the fifth part of our article we are entering the realm of motivation, this is a huge area. Understanding just little about motivation can bring rewards both for your own self motivation and also for helping others connect to the situations and contexts that will power them forward.  No parent, manager or coach should be without a knowledge of motivation.

Mistake 5: Thinking that you can motivate others

The truth is that no one can motivate another person. Have you ever tried to motivate someone else and failed? Motivation comes from inside and the only thing you can do is to create the environment where a person’s natural motivation system is triggered. The clever part is to know what external conditions will work for each person. This can go a long way to ease the burden of meeting or even exceeding  goals and aspirations.

“If only I could motivate them”

In the absence of understanding the different types of motivation we fall back on our own familiar personal style which (at best) has a hit or miss effect. At worst this creates mistrust and passive aggressive behaviour. One of the best ways to uncover these patterns is described in the work of Professor David McClelland who spent his professional life studying the motivational structures of people at work. He found three distinct patterns of ‘needs-based’ motivation. Once you know these they’re pretty easy to spot and with a little bit of knowledge you can use them to help you create motivation within your team and those that manage you!

Here’s a quick description of each type.  Bear in mind that we will have one of these very strongly, one as a backup and one that we don’t use very much at all.

Achievement: Seeks achievement, attainment of realistic but challenging goals, and advancement in the job. This person will require detailed feedback with regard to their achievements and the progress they are making in order to have their need for a sense of accomplishment satisfied.

Power: Has a need to be influential, effective and to make an impact. There is a strong desire to lead and for their ideas to be heard and acted upon. There is also strong desire to have personal status and prestige.

Affiliation: Has a need for friendly relationships and is motivated by interaction with other people. The affiliation motive drives a need to be liked and held in popular regard and to do activities and build relationships that will satisfy that desire. They are often team players who are the glue that keeps teams functioning.

Once you master understanding motivation you have moved into the highly significant arena of being a brilliant communicator; you have obliterated the FIFTH MISTAKE.

The Art of Being A Brilliant Communicator

In the fourth part of our article we examine the power of words. We aquired our native language unconsciously as we grew up and we were able to speak way before many other skills developed. As such we take it for granted and our words just seem to arrive at our mouth determined by the pattterns and models we were exposed to whilst growing up. We learn grammar and syntax at school to write creatively and yet there is a structure deep in the language we use that stimulates and stirs in our mind relationships, pictures, sounds and feelings. Even small seemingly insignificant words can produce unconscious mindsets that deliver behaviours.

With a little understanding and conscious effort we can make some small shifts in how we use certain words and greatly increase our influence and effectiveness below are just a few examples for you to test for yourselves.

Mistake 4: Using the right words in the wrong places

When we were young we learned to put our words together so that they would make sense to others; how to spell, how to use grammar and many other nuances of language. In the NLP Diploma Programme you will become aware that it is not just spelling, sequencing and grammatical rigour which gives power to your words; in fact it’s the words themselves and what they do in our mind that makes the difference.

“What did I say?”

Let’s look at three of the worst culprits. Although they are very simple day-to-day words they have a very particular effect on communication. These words are particularly important when managing people and teams as they can make the difference between actions being taken or not.

If: Instantly sets up choice in the other person’s mind. Although this may be exactly what you want, consider the following question ‘I wonder if you could write that report’. As soon as you use the word if, in other person’s mind the opportunity is generated to make the choice whether to do what you asked them to do or not.

But: Simply negates anything before it ‘I hear what you say but I still think I am right’. Of course but may be useful if someone says something negative about themselves you can say but and then give them a positive. On the other hand when dealing with people what we are really doing is managing the knowledge, skills and information that they have. As a consequence using the word but whenever they make a suggestion has the effect at an unconscious level of slowing or stopping their creative processes. Over time their unconscious minds learn not to generate ideas or solutions because every time they do the ideas are negated and they are disrespected by the overuse of but.

Try: This word has failure built into it. Imagine for a moment trying to get a report out on time does anything happen? It seems that even with your best efforts as long as you really try to make it pretty nothing much will happen or at best it will make it much more difficult to accomplish. This word is peppered in our language.

This is just the start. On the NLP Diploma Programme you will learn how to use the power of words to create positive yes responses to move a person from can’t to will - these are some the hidden secrets of the language. Now you can learn how to use these for yourself so that you can dispatch MISTAKE FOUR.

In the third part of our article we examine the art of  Sensory Acuity. This is the ability to read the unconscious micro-signals the we all give off when communicating.

With a little practice we can easily become adept at reading people and noticing the signs of miscommunication, misunderstanding  or confusion.

Mistake 3: Not seeing what is right in front of your nose

Learn to read the giveaway signals that people leak

We give off hundreds of signals which show exactly what is going on in our mind and body: confident, calm, uncomfortable etc. We call this unconscious leakage! The television programme ‘Lie to Me’ uses the work of Paul Ekman in this area. Being able to read the signals has a lot to do with how much attention you pay and what you focus on. If we are handling difficult or technical subjects much of our attention ends up inside: thinking, imagining and deciding what we have to say. With little attention left on the other person or people we will often miss valuable signals; they could be showing that they do not understand, that they are confused or that they need you to stop so that they can ask a question. It gets even worse when we are enthusiastic about a topic and want to communicate a large amount of knowledge as this often blinds us to what is happening right in front of us.

This could end up causing confusion, misunderstanding, mistrust and annoyance. The NLP Diploma Programme teaches you how to read these signals, what to do to maintain rapport and have the other person understand what you want them to.

Principle

Our conscious attention is limited. Research by George A. Miller in 1957 shows we are only able to consciously process between five and nine bits of information and often even four is difficult. On the other hand our unconscious mind is capable of processing many millions of bits of information and feeds forward only the few we are interested in to the conscious mind. This is done through the reticular activating system and is based on our individual view of the world – everyone is different.

“I just didn’t notice”

Turning this around is easier than it sounds, during the programme we will engage you in a sequence of exercises where you will learn to train your mind to take a series of snapshots of what is happening in front of you. This is a lot like where you played spot the difference as a child. The intention is to create a habit so your mind will automatically take snapshots in the background, comparing one to the other and alerting you when something changes. We are effectively deploying a small part of our mind to monitor activity in order to make sure that we can get our message across without creating negative effects.

Learn to read people so accurately you amaze yourself

You will be amazed just how quickly you can learn to accurately read these signs. Once you grasp the essentials of reading the signals, and it doesn’t take long, you will have at your disposal one of the most potent tools for brilliant communication. This is an asset all great communicators share which makes them flexible and able to build rapport fast.

Roger

In the second part of our article we begin to examine the first level of rapport this is something many people will know about but few take the opportunity to practice longg enough to establish a superior communication pattern from the one they have been using since childhood.

Mistake 2: Thinking that everyone will always agree with you straight away

Relationships can be challenging - especially at work where we spend a good part of our life. As busy managers we need not only to get the job done and hit targets we must also pay attention to the harmonics of human interaction. Often we simply don’t have the time to make sure that everyone is happy and eager. It seems that bad situations always crop up at the busiest times - situations that we need to deal with by getting others on board quickly. There is a foolproof way to get others on board; and it is one that is easy to learn and use.

Principle
Human beings are social creatures and are driven biologically to seek acceptance. We do this in many ways and the very first is to look for similarities. We say to ourselves unconsciously ‘You look like me and that might mean that you like me’.

Let’s have another example:

One of your staff has been frequently missing deadlines. You know you have to deal with it and you finally have 10 minutes where you are both free at the end of Friday afternoon. You have had a frustrating day,  fire fighting as usual and handling everything that lands on your desk. Feeling a little tired and ready to leave for the weekend you begin… Before you have very far you realise that the meeting has turned into an argument and very quickly the situation becomes polarised.

“I didn’t think he would react like that!”

Communication happens through many channels and includes both what we say and how we say it. The subtlety of effectively matching another person’s body language (without them knowing) gives a feeling of being understood and creates rapport very quickly. This does not mean that you are mimicking them precisely - just that you are sending a message with your body that you are like them. Because most of us are unconscious of this biological pattern, engaging consciously enables you to diffuse tense situations, reach common ground quickly and build relationships much faster than before.

This picture shows high physical rapport. Compare this to the one below it.

Make a few simple changes and make a palpable difference

When things are not going smoothly or when you are disagreeing with someone, notice your body position. More than likely it’s different to the other person. Just shifting your head angle to the same as theirs may be enough to shift the conversation to find common ground.

When you do this, you’re simply altering one of the components that go to make up rapport. We call this component Dynamic Body Language, as it does not rely on you making any judgments or interpretations of what a particular body position might or might not mean. There is good reason for reserving judgment. As soon as we make a decision that a person is in a particular state of mind, our communication patterns shift as if it were true. For example if we see someone with folded arms and think that they are defensive, then without any conscious thought our mind automatically loads the behavioural patterns as if it were true. We begin to behave as if that person is defensive even though we really don’t know how they are actually feeling.

Don’t let your judgments get in the way of your observations

Take the conversation where you want it to go

This is how you can overcome Mistake 2. The next stage is to learn how to effectively lead someone towards an outcome. When you pay attention to the harmonics of human interaction then you can lead conversations with ease. Learn Dynamic Body Language, and you have one of the tools to overcome the SECOND MISTAKE.

On our Be a Brilliant Communicator Programme you will learn how to use this and many other ways to create rapport allowing you to effectively manage your interactions with others - whomever they are.

Have you ever realised that you could have gone about things in a different way if only you had taken just a couple of minutes before to consider your options?

Of course we all have these experiences which are universal and that go along with being human. The good news is that these mistakes can be easliy overcome and the results and benefits from a small upgrade in communication skills can dramatically improve work, family and personal relationships.

When we dig a little deeper we find that hours and hours of time is being wasted by clearing up misunderstandings in communication from all directions, at every level and in all modes: emails, meetings, emails and face to face communications. This is just as true at work as in our other relationships.

We have identified ‘The Five Biggest Communication Mistakes’ and the first steps to resolve them.

When you become A Brilliant Communicator, the world will look and sound different. We guarantee that you will develop a facility with people that others will envy. Many of our delegates have found this training has kick started a career shift that they could not imagine before, so if you want to:

◊ Communicate clearly

◊ Create relationships that are strong and mutually beneficial

◊ Understand and read body language

◊ Focus and train your brain to work towards the outcomes and goals that will bring success

◊ Use precision language that will enable you to be influential in your sphere

◊ Know how to trigger motivational patterns in yourself and others

Then read on, experiment and enjoy the process.

Mistake 1: Not knowing what you want before you start

In the hustle and bustle of managing everything, we often lose sight of our outcomes. In organisations, when we talk about goals or outcomes it is usually to do with appraisals, profits, product development, target markets or budgets. Outcomes are not just essential for planning, they are critical when we communicate with others. Simply put - the way we speak and act is determined by what is in our mind when we start an interaction. By formulating an intention of exactly what we want to achieve, our brain/mind has something to aim for and we are far more effective and efficient with our words and actions.

Principle:

Our mind/body works on the principle of least effort. Once we are in a particular state of mind it continues until we change it by doing or thinking something different.

Here is an example that you’ll probably recognise:

It’s Monday. You have overslept, missed your breakfast and when you left your house it started to pour with rain. That’s not all. When you get to your car, you realise that you have left the keys inside and locked yourself out so you have to get the spare key from the neighbour. From here on it gets worse - traffic is slow and you’re late for the meeting you should be leading, knowing that everyone is waiting for you. So how’s your state of mind? (Can you begin to feel the stress building up right now,  just reading this?) Grabbing a coffee on the way,  you rush into the meeting and drop into your seat with all this still going in your mind. How do you think the meeting will go?

“I didn’t think about that!”

OK,  so we’ve all been there and know that things that start out this way usually end up with a result we did not expect or even desire and mutter to ourselves “If only I’d said ‘X’ ‘X’ or not said ‘Y’ then I wouldn’t be …”

The old adage ‘To fail to prepare is to prepare to fail’ is true in this context.

It’s so simple and yet not having an outcome is one of the mistakes we all make, especially when we get stressed. When we get into the habit of having an outcome, even in the small things we do, we begin to take control of our perceptions and how our brain/mind is likely to work in a given situation. A brain without an outcome is like a car without a steering wheel - you are never going to be sure which way it is going to go, and very often it ends up nowhere near where you wanted to be, that is, with the benefit of hindsight.

How to get what you want…

So what can you do to make life smoother? Start by using this simple concept before any conversation and begin to have in your mind the stuff you want and not the stuff you don’t. Here’s how you use the concept in your next interaction. Take a few minutes to stop, clear your mind and decide what you want to achieve in the situation into which you are heading. Ask yourself ‘If everything went brilliantly what would I see, hear and feel’? Create a clear mental picture of your desired end result; include as much detail as you can; imagine what might be said and how you will feel. Should you begin thinking about the stuff you don’t want,  then ask yourself ‘What do I want instead?’

Use this simple, powerful and proven strategy to clear your mind and orientate yourself toward effectiveness. Part of knowing what you want is to be both ruthless and relentless with the brain clutter that gets in the way of that achievement.

Dismiss the clutter

We will show you how to dismiss the clutter and focus on having a mind-space that ‘works’ your plan; a little preparation of your mind now will pay countless dividends in any future interaction or meeting. Having created the mind space that actually works to your advantage you can then put the right ‘stuff’ back in with a clear aim and forceful intention. Then you are working the strategy and working your plan.

Take these steps and you can easily overcome the FIRST MISTAKE. There are another six steps in the ‘Be a Brilliant Communicator’ outcome process that virtually guarantees you will get what you want in your communications. Using this concept for yourself is just the start; you can then learn how to do this with others as you master the first stage of  ‘Being A Brilliant Communicator’.

Even better I can’t wait until tomorrow when I fully launch New Silhouette and open it up to a whole new audience so anyone can have weight loss and freedom in their relationship with food - so much more than a diet. 31 December 2011

Oh for the rediscovery of old loves… Drums here I come! Its Christmas Day and no I am not waiting for New Years eve to come up with new desires and patterns… Back to the drums to find my heart, passion and ease out my neck and shoulders!

So what has this got to do with health?

Well several things… my husband Roger leaves the house immediately to walk the dog, our son Sam gets up off his computer and walks to the conservatory to smile, gawp or moan depending on the hour of the day! And I get to release that ever mounting menopausal energy!

Be creative, find whats in your attic and dust it off. 25 December 2011

If you just want to change you, your circumstances or your life - it’s not enough… If you really, really want to change then you stand a chance… Just reading Power of Awareness by Neville Goddard and from my journey over the last 18 months I know the realness of this. Go for it - whatever you want, with all your heart, body, mind and soul and you will have it! I put up a free download for you.  11 December 2011

Wednesday

Not only for you Ian Drury fans - have a look at this:

Pursuit of happiness The path to inner joy is simple – commit random acts of kindness, relax and be thankful for what you’ve got. We all know that this works and this is a good real life reminder - enjoy.

Having a way inside to learn how to be gratelful is essential for a happy life. As one of my teachers said to me earlier this year ‘ If your attitude sucks then your life sucks and if your attitude is good then you have a good life’. This is nothing to do with what you do or have but just HOW you life your life.

Here is to living.

Thursday

This is good -The New Scientist says that 9.1% of the population have a personality disorder and a small proportion of that is known as borderline. They say you can tell borderline by ‘ Instability in relationships, self-image, identity and behaviour’ well that makes up most of the people I know! so if you have stable relationships, never doubt yourself and behave impeccably then you apparently are in the other 90% well done!

Just signed up for a 12 week healing codes workshop - I’ve been having just the most amazing results with this and highly recomend the book Healing Codes - the process is great and heres the link to amazon Healing Codes

Wednesday

Can’t wait to start body reshaping again!! Have given my body a good rest and now it’s time to bring it on!

It’s been a whole year now and as I look back I can hardly believe the transformation. With 8 stones to shed I gave myself 18 months and I am well on track. One of the stunning things is the fact that you can know that you will shed the flab - not just wishing thinking (or wishful shrinking as I read recently).

Had my hair restyled too as the whole long-straggly-cover-up-the-second-chin-look is so over!

The summer was great - as normal we went to Sundance in Sweden - lovely family time - discovered that ordering pizza in Danish is not as easy as it might seem - although the boys look well pleased with the result!

Check out the yummy new hCG recipe too Spicy Prawns

If you found this useful or interesting then sign up for more clues in the box below.

Emily

Read earlier blog

Sign me up for more clues and Emily’s Free Top Body Tips First Name * Email *

How to lose weight and stay slim forever…by confronting the internal demons that are keeping you fat!

With such overwhelming evidence this is a real headline and yet it is true, once you understand how weight really works in the human body! Most of us either know or are somebody who has fought with weight. Not just a few pounds at Christmas or well earned holiday but just day to day continually pitting your wits against food content and calorie values.

Yo-yo dieting is huge problem for millions of frustrated people the world over — Have you have ever tried the latest crash diet and lost weight quickly…only to put it back on even faster mere weeks or months later? All because how much weight we store or shed is controlled both hormonally and by the individual’s response to their food and drink. Sensitive souls are bodies! For myself if I go anywhere near a potato or other members of the deadly nightshade family my body – in fear of its life – behaves as though it were being invaded. Now with the offending item inside and no real quick way of getting it out – it does the next best thing: surrounds the perceived ‘poison’ with fat and stores it in various ‘safe houses’: your bottom, thighs and stomach!

Every overweight person thinks the same as slim people: we are fat because we are weak-willed and make stupid choices about the foods we eat. As a result of our unfair tendency to blame overweight people for their problems, many who struggle with their weight begin to develop an unhealthy relationship with their feelings of hunger.

Nothing could be further from the truth

In fact, the cravings and hunger you feel are your body crying out for help! Because your digestive system isn’t functioning properly, thanks to modern food and our environment, you are literally being starved of the vitamins, nutrients, minerals, and energy your body needs.

The slim person eats and their body digests it, using what it needs and discarding the rest. Those of us who are overweight, however, process food differently, and so our bodies are constantly begging to be fed. Overeating takes over and can become the constant thread of our whole life; from what we are going to cook to how to make sure that there will be available food at that Office party or New Years’ celebration. Food and the desire to eat take over from the enjoyment of life, family and friends. Soon it can become the subject of our moment to moment thought processes and we either hide inside our comfortable plumpness or use our weight to bravely engage with a smile.

Only other overweight people truly understand the immense hidden pain and ridicule inside. Now it is possible to let go of the judgment you feel toward yourself. Your hunger IS real. And you won’t be satisfied until you really feed yourself.

How to beat yo-yo dieting and keep slim

There are many ways to get slim temporarily, and most involve enormous amounts of will-power, starvation, surgery or drugs. None of them keep the weight off — and, in fact, are designed to keep you coming back again and again.

The New Silhouette 16 Week Resculpt, on the other hand, is a complete once and for always fat loss system. NO drugs, NO surgery, NO calorie counting. Best of all – we help break your battle with food so that you can finally live just like your slim friends.

So in short: YES it IS possible… New Silhouette is a safe, non-invasive way to lose weight and keep it off for good. There are 4 parts, each designed to take you step-by-step into a slim body and new relationship with food…

If you are tired…drained…self-conscious…feel horrible in your clothes or disappointed by the way you look…then now is the time to end the war with fat and be slim forever.

This report is taken from the book ‘The REAL Truth About Weight Loss’ see below to get your free copy and to find out more.

Yours in Health,

Emily Terry

Managing Director and Creator of New Silhouette

Hello

01243 792122 Emily@newsilhouette.co.uk

Enter the code, ‘GIFT’, to instruct our Christmas fairy to wave her magic wand and reduce your price at the checkout. You will see that we have added some new tabs to make it easier for you to find exactly what you want: NLP, Coaching and Other Courses. Discover a world of New Silhouette Programmes for 2012, including Theta level 1 and the long awaited NLP Coach Practitioner. We are in the office until 21st December and over Christmas we will be available by email to ’speak’ with you.

Important Note about Fairies

She will only wait up for you until Midnight on Monday 2 January 2012 and then like all good fairies she must bless other folk!

Wishing you the most fabulous New Year 2012!

Emily, Roger, Liz, Duncan and Sam