Why is it so difficult?United Kingdom (British Union jack) flag, hand drawing with chal

So many of us find it a challenge to say NO. Even when we know in our hearts that we are going to make life difficult for ourselves we still say YES or OK.

What is going on inside when we say YES? That feeling of being under pressure with no time, sacrificing our own needs for others or running ourselves ragged to accomplish everything on our plate.

How many times have you said ‘I know I should have said NO but, I didn’t, I couldn’t or I wasn’t able.’ How many time has a partner or friend said to you ‘Why did you take it on? I could see it was too much for you right now.’

Yet we still do it time after time after time…

Thinking from and NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) point of view there are some majors factors impacting the decision to say YES when you feel NO would be the best response.

Your State

How you are feeling at the time of being asked – Take a moment go back to the last time you said YES instead of NO and notice what you were feeling and what you were saying to yourself.

It could be you didn’t want to be unkind or disappoint the other person. Maybe you thought you could make the person happy.  In the long run who you are actually being unkind to? The need to not disappoint someone is related to our own self-worth in the moment and happiness is after all an individual’s own responsibility.

Where does this all stem from?  Our inner knee jerk responses come from what we learned as a child from watching our our parents, teachers and from other influences. The idea that self-sacrifice is a positive trait and may be true but not for every circumstance in our life or we lose our free will and the ability to determine our own destiny. We just and end up being thrown about on the sea of other people’s demands and desires.

The Key

The key to saying NO is to be in command of your state and build you own ability to discern in the moment the prevailing circumstances, future outcomes and your available capabilities with your current levels of  energy, resilience and time.

There are many ways to be in the right state and to build your resilience with NLP for more about how to say NO sign up for our webinar on Wednesday 14th December @ 7pm GMT.

Make this the YES that starts the change in your life.

Click below to sign up



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Roger Terry

Director of Training and Coaching at Evolution Training Ltd
Roger Terry is one of the world’s leading experts on applying NLP to drive excellence both professionally and personally. Roger leads seminars and consults with companies all over the world, including in the UK, USA, Europe and Middle East. He is the author of several books, including The Hidden Art of Interviewing, NLP and Qualitative Research, NLP for Teachers and The NLP Toolkit.